Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King’s horses, and all the King’s men
Could not put Humpty Dumpty together again.
– Mother Goose
One of the most memorable nursery rhymes of all time…..how I remember it well. The rhyme always left me a little sad inside…….COULD he be put back together again? And, then, what ever DID become of Humpty? How does the story end?? I need answers! (Ahhhhhh questions, questions and MORE questions – always the inquisitive soul.……..)
Growing up, along with catchy nursery rhymes, I also developed what became a long time (though grossly unfounded) fear of….…..QUICKSAND. Important little side note here – I have never been near it, never seen it in person – nor known anyone who has. Obviously the “power” of the low budget, black and white “B” movies was too great to overcome – in this instance. LOL I recall snippets of scenes in which various persons were not only helplessly engulfed, but literally absorbed by the opaque muck which obviously had a life of its own – sucking the life out of its doomed victims. I was unusually terrified and afraid of the chance I would ever encounter this death trap in my own life and long held onto the belief that of all the ways to spend my last breathing moments on this earth – the inescapable prison of this suctioning entity was NOT my first choice – anything but that!
Returning back to Humpty – like him, in life – we all fall off our own walls. Some falls are minimal – with little or no impact. Other times, the falls are harsh and brutal – leaving us dinged, dented – maybe even broken, cracked from the impact. Life – inescapably, undeniably – will always bring ups and downs; this is an absolute, a given for anyone who has breath in their lungs. There are joys and heartaches…..celebrations and losses……Life – its tide ebbs and flows ceaselessly – with or without us………..One moment we can be on what seems to be a smooth, seamless track towards the sun, nothing standing in our way – and then, in what seems like the blink of an eye, our lives have jumped as quickly off the track – and we are left…………derailed, maybe hanging precariously over the end of a very shaky, wooden bridge, that’s about to buckle and crumble beneath us………we’re left waiting, hoping, growing in our desperation of the situation – not even able to breathe at times. A heavy cloak of darkness may cascade all around us, like an oppressive, ominous blanket of fog. Through the murkiness, we are able to hazily see our life scattered in pieces parts around us – shards of the former self and who we were before………Health issues, death of a loved one, loss of a job, addictions, broken relationships – any one of these can be our “undoing”. Sometimes it’s not one, stand alone experience, but a culmination of these barbs, over days, weeks, months – sometimes years…….blinding us, blacking out the light – and somewhere, somehow – we lose our way. At times the pain and heartache can be so real – so raw – that it becomes a physiological experience – tangible, palpable – as real as the hands before us. Its intensity so overwhelming we feel as if we’re actually suffocating, drowning……like endless fires that taunt us incessantly (think: infamous Chinese Water Torture)….we begin to feel ourselves unravel as our lives seemingly spiraling out of control. Hopelessly we fight to stay grounded, struggling weakly to hold onto our sanity. The darkness can be so torturous that at moments one’s mind starts to play tricks on you, convincing you of a lifetime of lies that has remained smoldering beneath the surface, behind the façade of a front that falsely indicated, “I’ve got it together.” It may feel at times like the night season will never end and hope begins to quietly, silently evaporate – from your life……your heart……your spirit……….
Yet as the seasons come and go, so does the night – it never lasts forever. Another constant in life – dawn breaking after the night has passed – with its glorious light – and with each, comes new promises, new opportunities, new chances – most especially, renewed hope. You bask in the warmth of its glow. For me personally, as I have grown closer TO God, the night seasons have grown longer, more challenging, more difficult – instead of easier. It may sound odd of sorts but just because one chooses to follow Him, never guarantees the road paved will be smooth and easy, that you will never know pain again, that another tear will never be shed. Yet knowing better now, I would rather take the road – ANY road – WITH Him, than without Him.
They say God doesn’t give one more than they can handle – at times, it may seem that He has given you the super deluxe buffet portion of such circumstances. Yet sometimes too WE have whipped up that special meal all on our own by the “ingredients” from OUR choices, having kicked God out of the kitchen, when all He’s trying to do is carry that platter for us. Regardless the circumstances, there will be moments when the valley seems so low – way too deep, much too steep – with no visible signs of any possible escape – EVER! Then again, maybe it’s because YOU’re simply……….. not………..looking………UP.
I have had my own share of such seasons. Along the way against better judgment, I have not only invited, but personally handwrote some of the most exquisite invites to some of the most memorable (and some not so memorable) Pity Partys of one. I’ve hosted such galas, honestly – not only in the past, during the wasteful while wandering in the desert, trying to do life on my own, but also in recent years, while protected beneath the cascading drapes of the flawless white silk within the haven of my Maker’s tent. I lived in my own Egypt way too long and sadly, unnecessarily – traversing barren deserts, living in De-Nial.
I have outlived 9 lives and then some. Countless times my life could have easily ended, mostly from stupid choices I made. Yet every time, God rescued me – whether I realized it or not – buffering me from my fall from the walls I’ve sat upon, often erected from the “building blocks” of pride, willfulness and stubbornness that I chose. I am by no means perfect, but I have learned, and continue to learn – that by letting go, letting God – releasing the situation to Him…..talking to Him, that the end result is significantly different AND better, than when I try to FIX me – myself, on my own. I have most humbly learned in recent times, that sometimes there is NO other option one CAN do but to collect all the broken bits and pieces parts and dust of our shattered lives – and like a child crushed by their favorite toy being broken – approach the Father and give it all to Him. And just like our earthly fathers, He will make it all better and He will make it right – even if we think it’s impossible. From brokenness can come the greatest beauty…….sometimes it takes ruins to find the treasure within……sometimes it takes going blind to really and honestly be able to “see” things. Life’s trials don’t have to break us – instead they can actually MAKE us….…be THE best version of ourselves yet. What makes the difference is the choice WE make from the fall out of our tests. Will we rise up from the ashes, shining and dazzling in the brilliance of our transformation? Or will we instead retreat and wallow, dying a slow death – in the false “comfort” and “safety” of the quicksand “traps” in our life.
You may have fallen from numerous walls throughout your life, you may be stuck in that merciless pit right now – probably not the first time, likely not the last. Yours doesn’t have to have the “unfinished” ending like Humpty – you can still have the fairytale……….yours doesn’t have to have the tragic “B” movie ending with you drowning in the pit, but instead can be a red carpet worthy blockbuster……………it’s up to you. How do you want the story to end?
armymom115 